the melodrama of music

_DSC0249_1.jpg, originally uploaded by lilylord.

Went to Sufjan Stevens concert tonight by myself for the first time since Archer was born. Sufjan played at the Wiltern Theater off of Wilshire along the edge of Korea town. Beautiful and old, walking into the theater my eye caught the astounding craftsmanship and artisan work on the ceilings and walls. What a visual treat is was to be in the theater. The crowd seemed earnest and fresh faced and excited. And so was I. Sufjan and company came out with butterfly wings on. For the next hour and then some they sang and played while video of clouds, butterflies, trees and a young boy, played behind them. As a kid/teenager I had an uncommon fascination with clouds and trees and would break down in tears at the beauty of the sky heavy with rain, sun breaking through. Uncommon I knew, because I told my friends and acquaintances and felt like a obsessive freak when my uncapped excitement would often elicit blank stares. At the same time while feeling odd I felt like I had tapped into something special that was unique only to me. My own stash of Gold and Diamonds. I came home tonight and told Ben that I pretty much wept through the whole show. "Why" he asked. I had no quick answer, but for me clouds and poppy dirgy discordant music most always trigger my heartfelt emotions.

My cousin Julia visited for a week this past week. So nice to spend time with her. Smart, interesting and quick to comment about the world while leaving breathing room for lots of discussion. She had just spent time in West Africa (Ghana to measure health statistics at a slum) and is planning on returning by next month. From her I heard about the local’s fear of vaccinations (Polio) their unquestioning consumption of overly processed junk food (Coke, fried food), love of soccer, and their passion for music. It made me want to visit.

Tonight I thought about my family - my new family of Ben, myself plus Archer and imagined 10 years from now, going to music together. Music at places where most people wouldn't think of to bring their children. Countries around the world that are yet to be. To perhaps, forge that connection for Archer to find his own unique voice.

i cobble together bits and pieces of everything
to try to make it whole

I am deeply authentically
selfishly me
i know you through myself
i straddle the edge of balance and imbalance
look at me

a navel gazing expert