Big Smiles - Big Day

_DSC0115_bw.jpg, originally uploaded by lilylord.

I feel like a total cliche - Archer began smiling for and extented period - at me. Earlier in the day we were dancing to music on my iTunes. I carry on a conversation with him most of the day, letting him know what is going on. And we have fun.I play.

There is so much fun, fabulous fun that I am experiencing now. Not exactly because he is a baby and I'm seeing it through a "childs eyes again" but because I now I give myself permission to not be miserable. To be happy. And to share in my happiness = because happy mom makes for happier baby.

People say over and over that being a mom is the most selfless thing one can do.

I know it's super early in the game. But it does not seem like a one way street at all. I feel like when I am taking care of him I'm taking care of the "inner child" that is still seeped in sadness inside of me - which is all about both of us.

And even if it get's totally difficult....later - I'm having fun....now.

Talking aloud to baby about everything. Or dancing with baby in the apartment and forgetting all of the worries that had normally been anchored to me. Who knew Flock of Seagulls could make me cry with joy? Oh and yes, did I mention that he smiled today. A big smile - so big it stretched almost from ear to ear.

It was my reward for the day.